Why I Hate Globogyms

First off, I realize that not everyone has access to a home gym so this isn’t a judgement aimed at those who must work out at commercial gyms.  This is simply a commentary on how I’ve grown disdain for commercial gyms over the years.  Fortunately, I have an entire room that I’ve been able to turn into my own personal gym where I conduct most of my training however I still have days where I must go to the commercial gyms in my area because of schedule or because I need a power rack.  Each and every time I go, I am quickly reminded why I hate them.

Unabashed Naked Guy

Why every gym has that guy who feels it is okay to do his personal grooming for the day, at the gym in a completely naked state, is beyond me.  I don’t need to be getting mentally prepared for my workout, changing into my gym clothes only to look up and see Mr. Unabashed Naked Guy, in his full fledged glory, drying himself after a shower using the hand drying machine.  Did I mention he was drying “hard to reach areas”?  I mean, do you really need to shave completely nude?  Are boxers too much to ask for?  There are some things seen which cannot be unseen.

Weight Wait

When I get started on a workout, the last thing I want to do is wait around idly when I’m ready to do a set.  Multiply this frustration with the rage I feel when someone is using the squat rack for shoulder shrugs and there have been a few instances where I had to stop myself from doing something that would have gotten me kicked out of the gym.

Locker Room Madness

It doesn’t matter what time I arrive, or what locker I choose, inevitably there will be someone arriving as I get ready to the locker right next to me (even if the rest of the locker room is empty).

Equipment

Why a gym should have dozens of machines and only a singe squat rack is beyond me.  Why that same gym should have no dedicated deadlifting area is just as puzzling?!?

Grunters

Normally I don’t have an issue with grunting when weight is being moved but when it is obnoxiously loud, and generated while you are bench pressing under a hundred pounds or performing forearm curls, then you should have the bar pressed against your neck until you can no longer grunt.

Ignorant Trainers

This is inescapable but it is becoming increasingly more difficult for me to ignore.  Why you would take advice from someone who doesn’t look like they could follow their own advice is beyond me but when you factor in how incredibly stupid that advice is to begin with then you’ve got the perfect storm.  If it is in their best financial interest to keep you coming back then ask yourself why they would do anything that would prevent that from occurring?  Anyone who uses the phrase “work the core” should immediately have their training privileges revoked.

Instead of trying to invent some insanely ridiculous exercise learned about in one of your worthless certification classes, how about teaching the fundamentals of a back squat or deadlift?  Oh, but I’m sure your exercise techniques are far superior to the techniques being used by athletes and bodybuilders around the world for decades though…

Ignorant Trainees

Why do people bother coming to the gym if they plan on spending the entire time talking to their friends or uploading photos to their Facebook account?  Can you text somewhere else so I can use the heavy equipment you are using as a foot stool?  Do all overweight people on the hamster wheels realize that the only thing you are being successful at is wasting your life?

Guess what?  Doing 1/4 squats with heavy weights on the Smith Machine doesn’t mean you are strong, it means you are not intelligent.  Oh, you like to grunt loudly while doing them then please refer to my earlier comments on grunters.

Smell

Although some might find the combination of misery, body odor, and yeast pleasant I find it to be less than desirable.

Inconsiderate Bastards

I do realize that what you are doing is more important than what I am doing but please realize that I didn’t arrive at the gym just to wipe your sweat from the bench or to put away your weights after you’ve decided that you’re done with that piece of training equipment.  Because of these inconsiderate folks, I never know if a piece of equipment is still in use and have actually been informed numerous times that “hey bro, still using that” even know they were nowhere to be seen for ten minutes.

Another variation is the guy who believes we are all using his gym and is absolutely inconvenienced when he sees you using a piece of equipment he wants. Bonus points when this guy is extremely overweight and is throwing a tantrum because he wants to use the calf machine.

If you are going to partake in masturbatory exercises like isolated bicep spider curls then can you please not stand right in front of the barbell rack so I can get to those dumbbells you are standing in front of?

Music

I don’t want to be subjected to the playlist of Globogym but often times I have no choice as it is so glaringly loud that I hear it over the music coming from my own earphones!  If I wanted to hear workout music then I’d bring it myself.

Sit Up Addicts

If you are packing more than 15% body fat for a man or 20% body fat for a woman, don’t spend all day doing various sit up movements. Not only are there better uses for your time but what are you going to do with those strong abs since you still have a large layer of blubber over them?